Navigating Mother’s Day When You’re Longing to Be a Mom
- drbrennasquires
- May 5
- 4 min read
Mother’s Day is meant to be a joyful celebration of motherhood—but for those walking through infertility or pregnancy loss, it can be one of the most painful days of the year. If your arms are still empty, if you’ve been waiting month after month, year after year, this day can feel like salt in a wound you’ve worked hard to keep bandaged.
While others are posting tributes to their children or celebrating with brunch and flowers, you may be feeling invisible, heartbroken, or deeply conflicted. You’re not alone in that.
Let’s talk about why Mother’s Day can be so hard when you have no baby—and how you can take care of your heart through it.
Why Mother’s Day Hurts When You’re Still Waiting
1. It Highlights What’s Missing
When you’ve been trying to conceive, Mother’s Day often feels like a painful reminder of what you don’t yet have.
You might imagine how you’d spend the day with your future child or feel a sense of loss for the baby you hoped would be here by now.
2. It Can Feel Like You Stand Out From Others
If you are older and or if you have been trying to have a baby for years, it can feel like others are looking at you. You may feel like they judge you or look at you differently because you don't have children yet.
This can make you want to isolate to shield yourself from the pain this may cause. 3. Social Media Makes It Worse
Scrolling through photo after photo of smiling families and heartfelt captions can make you feel left out or triggered. It’s not that you’re not happy for others—it’s just that your heart is tired of waiting.
4. You’re Torn Between Hope and Grief
Mother’s Day can stir up complex emotions. You might feel hopeful for the future one moment, and deeply grieved the next. You might want to celebrate your own mother or others in your life, while also needing space to mourn.
5. It Can Feel Like You’re Not Seen
Even though you may already feel like a mother in your heart—mothering through prayers, sacrifices, appointments, and hope—you might not receive any recognition.
That can feel deeply isolating. While others are celebrated, you may wonder if your pain even matters.
Ways to Care for Yourself on Mother’s Day
If you’re navigating Mother’s Day while longing for a child, here are some ways to care for your heart:
1. Give Yourself Permission to Opt Out
You are not obligated to attend events, go to church services, or scroll through social media if it’s too much. Protect your peace. It’s okay to say no. It’s okay to have a self-care day.
2. Ask for What You Need
Let your spouse know what kind of support would feel meaningful.
Would you like to be acknowledged? Given space? Spend the day doing something distracting or peaceful?
3. Create a Day That Honors Your Relationship With Your Spouse
Instead of focusing on what’s missing, gently create a day that feels nurturing for you. That might mean:
Going on a nature walk together
Taking a break from routines and doing something restorative
Going on a road trip or have a staycation with your spouse
4. Honor the Mother You Already Are
Yes, you are already mothering. You are mothering your body through each cycle. You are showing up with courage. That is worth honoring.
Write yourself a note. Buy yourself a flower. Speak kindly to your heart.
5. Connect with Someone Who Gets It
You don’t have to carry the weight of this day alone. Talk to a friend who understands or join a support group. Sometimes just hearing “me too” can bring peace.
6. Celebrate your mom or someone who has been like a mother to you
Shift your focus for a period of time and spending time with you mother or a mother figure in your life. Perhaps meeting up for coffee or lunch, having a spa day, or an activity you enjoy doing together.
If You Love Someone Going Through Infertility
Mother’s Day is also a powerful time to offer support. Here’s how you can love someone well on this day:
Send a simple message: “Thinking of you today.”
Avoid saying things like “Your time will come” or “At least you can relax.” Instead, just be present.
Ask if they’d like to talk, meet up, or be given space. Let them lead.
Final Thoughts
Mother’s Day can be beautiful—and brutal at the same time. If your heart aches on this day, please know this: your pain is valid and you matter.
You are already loving fiercely. You are already giving deeply. You are already enough—even without a baby in your arms. Whether you spend the day quietly grieving or celebrating the strength it takes to hope, you are worthy of love and kindness.
From one heart in waiting to another: you are seen. You are not alone. 💛
Need help navigating this season? Let's talk! Schedule a free consultation to see how I can support you on this journey.
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